THE POWER OF NO

“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” (Wayne Dwyer)

Once upon a time, and not so very long ago, I viewed the horse who said “no” very negatively. As do probably the vast proportion of the horse population. And who could blame us? After all, this is very much how we are trained to think. Our horsemanship skills are very much judged on how obedient and willing our horse is to work with us.

Ten years ago a horse came into my life who would completely change my thinking. Through her wise teaching, she actually allowed me to see the gift in the word “no.”

Needless to say, it took me some time to get there. In the beginning, I saw her “no’s” as an affront to my horsemanship skills (boy was my ego running the show!); a belief that was deepened by instructors continuously telling me that my horse did not see me as a leader. I was told she was bossy, opinionated, stubborn and disrespectful.

But something came to my rescue. I was in a process of spiritual awakening, and part of that process was an expanding mind. Things had occurred which made me realise that nothing is quite as it appears, and when you change your perspective, then you see an altogether different picture. Furthermore, it was no accident that this horse had come into my life right at the time of my spiritual burgeoning. She was to teach me far more than I would teach her. For I was the one with a lot to learn!

When a horse says “no” they are saying it for a reason. This is the time to listen and pay attention, for your horse is communicating loudly. Let’s admit it, don’t we all like to be heard! Consider the reasons for the “no”. The obvious ones are pain and fear, but there could be something else. Realise this. There is ALWAYS a reason.

The fact that your horse is saying “no” in the first place is actually a good sign. It shows he doesn’t feel helpless or shut-down, and he believes that he has a chance of being heard and understood. He doesn’t fear any bad repercussions, and he feels like he has a voice.

It is also a good reflection of your bond. There is open communication between you, and he is not afraid to ask a question. He trusts you enough to tell you that something is wrong, without having to be burdened with your frustrated, angry energy.

Understanding the reason behind your horse’s resistance is the key to turning things around. And this is where the biggest transformation can occur. For when you acknowledge what your horse is saying, and put in the required changes, then you have a horse who really starts to respect and value you. The bond deepens enormously! Not only that, but he will actually try much harder for you.

I admit that i went to great lengths to understand my horse’s resistances, but she has rewarded my efforts considerably. It has empowered her, because she is in a partnership where she is valued, and where her opinion is very much respected and acted upon. In turn, she has become a horse who can be relied on to give her very best, with the subtlest of aids and requests.

There have been a couple of incidents, where Jazz’s ability to say “no” possibly saved her from pain and injury.

In the one, my daughter had ridden her into a newly lain sand show-jumping arena. They had jumped about three jumps, when Jazz just stopped and refused to move. As she is never anything less than enthusiastic with her jumping, I knew there was something wrong.

As an animal communicator (one of the methods I took up to help clarify what she was saying), I tuned in to see if I could feel any pain. Nothing! But then I heard her say, “You can’t possibly expect me to jump in here. The ground is completely unstable. Do you want me to perform a handstand?”

This made me look at the surface a bit closer. The perfectly harrowed arena had disguised the fact that the depth of sand was actually very uneven. We took her out and stayed out. In the ensuing months, more and more people stopped using that ménage, as so many horses had falls or near falls. The livery owner decided to pay for a professional horse surface to be put in.

Not long after that, my daughter happened to comment. “I just love having a horse who tells me when things are wrong. She is SO intelligent and SO forgiving.” Yes, I believe this is true of most horses, but not enough of us are listening.

It has been quite the journey! Out of resistance has come great transformation. For me, not my horse, for she was never the one who needed changing.